"I've been letting my mind wonder at night. My thoughts should have a curfew." Am Kidd

Monday, January 10, 2011

Endings and Beginnings

(Image Source: Bing)

Normalcy has returned.  A sense of peace and space permates the house, reminding me of the fresh smell in the air after a heavy rainfall.

January soothes me. The snow covered grounds make me seek shelter, not only under a comfy blanket, but rather into that part within, so easily forgotten when Summer arrives. Distractions are minimal now, as I go around fixing, cleaning, organizing, I am also meditating, breathing slower and deeper. I love the silence that befalls, the muffled sound of my footsteps, as well as that of Abby's as she follows me around.

These days I am bracing myself for what's about to come. My mother's condition is rapidly declining (she has been in a nursing home for the last 4 years suffering from advanced Alzheimer's Disease) The end is approaching and even though it would be a blessing to have her break free from those terrible chains, I am filled with more than the pain to loose a parent, I am also filled with longing and what-if's (for a bit more on this please click here)

It saddens me to realize (yet once again) that I will never know what it is to have had a loving, warm, relationship with my mother, and I feel cheated, though no longer angry. Maturity has brought along the wisdom to let go off things which can't be changed and to realize that endings bring new beginnings.


When the nights are done
And we see the sun
A new day dawns
With hope for some

When the fairies of spring
With warm breath breathe
The snow from the winters
Will leave their freeze

When the bellies of clouds
Can hold no more
They spread their rains
To wash earths shores

When the grub that lived
Leaves its cocoon
On the flight of wings
Will play till noon

When the days are done
And we lay us down
The stars will twinkle
In the moons playground

When the ends that come
Make it hard to see
There is something new
To set us free.
(Poem by Robyn Blauw)

May this New Year bring you sweet endings and great beginnings!


15 comments:

  1. Very sorry to hear, Alina.

    My thoughts are with you and your lovely mum.

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  2. Beautiful poem, hard life circumstance. You are facing it with grace and understanding of how things are not how they should have been.....that truly is maturity of spirit. Be well, The Olde Bagg, Linda

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  3. It's so hard to see the people we love fade.

    Sending you warm hugs dearest Alina!
    xo Catherine

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  4. Beautiful Poem and feelings..
    ..when the bellies of clouds, can hold no more they spread their rains to wash earths shores..."

    Te deseo lo mejor para éste año. Dulces sentimientos y buena salud.:-))

    Besos.

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  5. I understand where you are coming from, my relationship with my Mother is rough to say the least. Take heart you have done everything you could as a daughter. We have to move on and do the best we can. love to you Alina, xxxxx

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  6. Hi Alina..many warm hugs of comfort and peace and love to you! please know you are in my heart, mind and spirit..and although we may only know one another "in blog-land"..I offer friednship always..and am an email away if you ever need an ear to listen or a big cyber-hug!

    My thoughts are with you and what you are enduring and know you are thought of along your journey! HUgs sweet friend and kindred..i am happy to know you and appreciate the special soul that you are! You are a shining star!
    Thankyou for your lovely comments and visits, they light up my world!

    Beautiful heart warming post..many hugs! and many healing-sparkles to carry you in times when you may need hope, light, peace and love!
    Kiki~ your kindred sister always!

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  7. ¡¡Uf! my friend I understand very well...I´m touching into my heart...Kiss and my best feelings.

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  9. Dear Alina,
    I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I understand how you are feeling because my partner's mother had the same illness last year. Sadly she passed away just before Christmas.
    January is difficult time of year, but your lovely words bring much comfort. It is important to appreciate the simple things in life and the peaceful moments in time.
    Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem.
    Hugs and love to you.
    Jo. xx

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  10. Dear Alina,

    I send you warm thoughts and wishes for a bright New Year. I also send you a hug and prayers for your Mom. Time does heal hurt and wounds. We may never forget...but we let go softly.

    xo!
    Sandra

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  11. Dearest Alina,
    Indeed, the month of January lends to us a soothing quality we so need after the crush of the busy holidays. I too find myself plumping and rearranging our nest with great anticipation for springtime's arrival. I fear though, we still have many more days of winter's icy grasp to contend with.

    I am so very sorry to learn that your mother is deteriorating so. While I can in no way feel your pain, I can appreciate what you must be going through as my grandmother suffered from Alzheimers and now I am watching my mother-in-law rapidly succumb to its clutches. It is most difficult to watch those you love or have come to know wither before your eyes.

    I shall keep you and your mum in my thoughts ... I pray that you both find the strength needed to get through this difficult time. ~ A lovely poem, by the way ... filled with wisdom to behold ... Hugs to you, dear friend.

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  12. Sorry I missed your posting last May. I've read it now.

    There's probably nothing I can say that will overcome the sadness, but I have read your postings, I understand and I share the feelings.

    My relationship with my father wasn't entirely as I would have liked either. He died some years ago, and we never really got things straight.

    I think it was mainly due to his great aspirations for me, partly driven by the difficult circumstances in which he grew up and a natural desire to see me do better.

    But it didn't feel like that at the time, from where I was sitting.

    Love has a funny way of manifesting itself sometimes...

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  13. Dearest Alina, I am thinking of you and the emotions you are experiencing and feel glad that you are taking the time to be gentle and nurturing with yourself. Once we 'let go' of a certain way of thinking of how things 'should' be, there is always a sense of peace and acceptance...took me a very long time to reach this understanding - sending you much love x

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  14. Dear Alina, I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's declining condition and that you are having to once again face these dilemmas and feelings. I remember the post about your difficult relationship and was very touched by your words.

    Continue as you are doing dear friend, be kind to yourself and acceptance will come, in time. The poem is beautiful.

    much love,
    Jeanne
    xox
    x

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  15. Dear Alina, you are a shining star, i admire so your bravery & your wisdom. Thinking of you & sending you blessings. ruthei x x

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Albert Schweitzer said "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit" I thank you all!