"I've been letting my mind wonder at night. My thoughts should have a curfew." Am Kidd

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Unrealistic Expectations

First of all I want to make clear that I am not a feminist.  I am not offended when a man opens a door for me or when I'm offered a seat in the bus. However, I do find it offensive when women are expected to fulfill certain requirements, which are not only unrealistic, but also unfair. The majority of females have been (and still are) the most common target for these unrealistic expectations. Models and daughters are good examples of these misconceptions.

A model has duties to perform, and due to the great amount of time consumed tending to external appearances, they are expected to be simple minded, vain, and essentialy non-intellectual.

Daughters also have a  role to perform. As females, a daughter is burdened with the unrealistic expectations to always be available to help the parents, as well as her own family. Sometime this means giving up an education, or a career.

It is a common human trait to play roles in order to gain acceptance from others. This usually means doing unwanted chores, like answering a telephone call  or attending a reunion when solitude is desired. As noted by Joan Didion in her essay titled On Self  Respect, "the fear of rejection overcomes the need to find self-respect".

Ms. Didion also claims that "innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself." Like a slap on the face, it becomes clear that no matter how many good deeds are performed, there is no guarantee of approval or acceptance from others. The roles that are played to please everyone else become the very delusion of liking oneself, but, are they genuine? Important? Necessary? According to Didion, a person must determine what really is important to oneself, and not to anyone else.

Facing reality means  many things. Like taking a good look at faults, mistakes, and weaknesses from within. Only by admitting the problems, an individual may become free of them. This process requires courage and determination, but without it self-respect may never be found.

In conclusion, it is clear that in order to find and retain self-respect, a person must go through different stages. Such as conquering fear, loosing a deluding innocence, and facing reality. Finding self-respect is a worthy cause, perhaps the most important one a person could achieve.

Note: All photos from Weheartit.com



  1. great post, very interesting. finding self -respect, not as easy as it sounds sometimes, i hadn't realised until the past year that i needed to work on this and as i am, many other things are falling into place. The ghandi quote is one of my all time favourites. x

  2. A great post, Alina, and a timely reminder for us all to be the change we want to see in the world. x

  3. Contrary to popular opinion, blokes can encounter the same problems. It is not so much a gender thing as personality. Extrovert personalities usually dominate in our current world, so introverts (whichever gender) generally have a problem...


Albert Schweitzer said "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit" I thank you all!